Enamoured

Currently

December 29, 2008 7:59 pm
Feeling: Listless
Craving: Companionship
Hearing: The suns game and my mom’s sewing machine
Last Movie: National Treasure
Last DVD: The Little Mermaid
Last on TV: Suns v. Thunder
Reading: Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister by Gregory Maguire
Talking to: No one
Plugging: AverageSanePsychoSuperGoddess

So I decided to have a Disney movie marathon today. I watched Aladdin, Hercules, and the Little Mermaid. 3 of my favorites   I hadn’t watched Hercules in a long time, and even though I’d only seen it one or two times it was still one of my favorites. Thats when I realized that I should’ve known that I would want to get a degree in Classics since the first time I saw it. Of course, I didn’t actually know that a major like that existed nor would I have known what it was called. Whenever I tell people what my major is, about 90% of the time they say “And what is that?” But if I had known I could’ve avoided the bad grades I got in my Pre-Calc class and my so-so grades in Chemistry. I saw the other day that if you only count classes that are in my major I have a 4.0 and when you count the classes that are only in my minor I have a 4.0 lol. Its my other classes that have brought my gpa down to a 3.7.

I was really worried about my grades towards the end of this semester because of the stuff going on in my personal life. The last week of actual classes, right before finals started I got in a fight with my boyfriend. And it was a stupid fight. I was having a bad day and I felt like he was being insensitive. All because of that we are now “on a break.” Without all the humorous implications that come from that phrase’s use in Friends, its sooo stupid. We are supposed to be thinking about the future, but my thought is that breaks just make it easier to forget each other and it just ends up being a buffer between being together and not being together. I definitely think that that’s true. We haven’t talked much since about 4 days after it happened. I think we’ve talked once. It’s really tough and it makes me feel really lonely because he’s my BEST friend – the one I could talk to about anything. But I’m pretty sure that he’s going to want to break up when we get back to school. At first I was really heart broken and just wanted to cry all the time. Now I’m much less emotionally charged and I can write this and just barely get some tears in my eyes. If I wanted to I could cry about it, but I don’t want to. I’m sick of crying and being sad. I want to know if I need to move on or if I need to forgive him for this break and move on in our relationship. I don’t like being in this limbo.

I talked to my aunt about it and she actually really helped which was very surprising to me. But I feel like she actually kind of understands the tough spot we’re in and I don’t think very many other people do. I haven’t told my parents, because 1) I know what they’ll say and 2) what if we get back together? then it would be a waste of that conversation. I’m not close enough with my parents to tell them every little change. When Frank and I started dating I didn’t tell them until like 3 months in because I didn’t want to bother if we were not going to stay together. Bleh. It’s just a tough position to be in, but I think it’s getting a little bit easier. I’m just worried about what it is going to be like when we get back to school. When I’m home I’m used to not talking to him as much and used to not seeing him, but once I get back to Tucson, it will be SOO different. I’m scared.

Anyway, I don’t really want to think about this that much anymore. I’ve been working a lot. I’ve had 2 days off in the last week and a half. I’m not used to that anymore lol. Since working at the library I’m used to having almost every other day off and only working 4 hour shifts. But it’s been kind of a fun job and everyone likes working with me which is always nice. Jamie was telling me that everyone was excited to meet me and I was like, “oh great, they’re gonna meet me and be like, ‘eh, she’s okay.’” lol. So I lived up to my hype I guess

Well, I’m going to stop blogging so I can finish watching the Suns game. It’s getting a little more exciting and we’re in the 3rd, so I’m gonna pay attention now.

καληνύχτα – aka Goodnite!